[It's honestly a relief to feel his arms around her, to feel the comfort and support of his embrace. She's relishing it, and his attempts to muffle her ears, even if it doesn't actually make a difference. It's just him being here that matters, she keeps telling herself, because she's lucky to have him. No matter what the voices kept saying, this is right. This is good. He's good. Peter is one of the best things that's happened to her.]
I-- I know. But it feels real. [Even if what he's saying isn't. That's not who Peter was. He wouldn't say such mean things to her. He wouldn't attack her with words and blame her things out of her control. Neither Peter would do that.
But it was all things she had thought before. All fears and moments of guilt where she doubted herself, and hearing it come from her best friend? That's what hurt the most. It was easy to brush off the media, but when it was her dad? When it was coming from the other people she cared about? It always hit different.]
I thought I could handle it. It wasn't... hard, at first. But each day, I just feel worse, and now this.
(there's always going to be a shadow of peter parker around them, whether she can see him with her eyes or otherwise. he knows that, at least a part of her, will never get over him, what happened, what she felt, what she feels - but it doesn't matter to him right now. what does is that she's protected against his chest, that he can be here, and himself, and both can walk the path of grief together.
he wouldn't have it any other way. his lips kiss the top of her head, as a soothing attempt.)
How... How... Is the sentencing going? I think it'll keep getting worse until it's done. I think... They know, you know? That you push people away. That you're scared. I just don't know what they are trying to do with this - shouldn't it make it worse?
[She could stay like this forever, honestly. Wrapped in his arms, pressed into his chest, listening to the soothing rhythm of his heart beating. It helps calm her, as does the feeling of his lips pressed on the top of her head. It grounds her, helps her focus on the here and now, not what was haunting her in the far corners of her vision.]
Okay, I guess? I'm...trying. [She's been opening up to a few people, but the sentence is so vague, she's not even sure to what extent they mean? Deepening connections could mean anything. But being open and honest seemed to be a good starting point, even if she's already messed up by withholding her ghost problem from him.]
I had... an idea. I'm not sure if it's stupid or not, but I thought maybe having a game night? Invite our friends, STEM club, maybe even TWAT club?
(his breathing is steady, slow, almost like he's trying to get her to breathe with him, one draw of air at a time. he's not rather calm, it's hard to be when he's bearing witness to her pain and panic, but the breathing helps - perhaps the both of them.)
Yeah, no, I know.
(this was a start - them. knowing how hard it must be, to shelter from pain, and to open herself to this possibility. it makes him wonder what they will do to him, once his time comes. if it comes. when it comes. the fact they know absolutely nothing doesn't soothe.)
Hey, that's super cool! I think that could definitely work, right? Also, look, saying 'friends' already sounds like a huge thing, from where you started, right?
[It was hard enough, trying to get through this anxiety and ghosts. The last thing she needed to think about was what they might do to Peter. She might join Jim with his idea to raid the Council's Chambers looking for Jerry, honestly. It didn't matter so much, what they were doing to her, but she couldn't bear the idea of them hurting Peter.]
Right? I don't know what stupid versions of our games they might have here, but who knows. We could probably find something fun. Maybe I can even drag you into Dungeons & Dragons. [He's right, though. Just the fact that she can admit to a good handful of people she considers her friends...it's a big deal, compared with where she came from. She's grateful for all of them, but especially Peter.]
(there's not so much that can be done this very instant, aside from letting her steal warmth, from gently pressing his hands across her back as a caress, and calming her. perhaps secrets, untold things might become a habit in their relationship, but this is not something he is concerned about right now.
he too wouldn't want her to worry about him. he can understand that.)
That's, like, the nerdiest thing you have ever said, and I've seen you do chemistry.
[She doesn't want secrets to be a part of their relationship, but she doesn't want to hurt him, either. Trying to protect his feelings is what got her where they are now, but whether she had told him sooner or not, it wouldn't have made a difference. She would still be plagued by ghosts.
She just didn't want him to feel like he was second best. That he was just a rebound. Yes, it was weird and confusing and convoluted by the fact that she knew a Peter Parker in her own dimension, but she didn't have what they had with her Peter, either.]
Oh, shut up. [She nudges him slightly, a small smile appearing on her face again, but she doesn't move from his embrace yet. She needed this, more than she realized.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I-- I know. But it feels real. [Even if what he's saying isn't. That's not who Peter was. He wouldn't say such mean things to her. He wouldn't attack her with words and blame her things out of her control. Neither Peter would do that.
But it was all things she had thought before. All fears and moments of guilt where she doubted herself, and hearing it come from her best friend? That's what hurt the most. It was easy to brush off the media, but when it was her dad? When it was coming from the other people she cared about? It always hit different.]
I thought I could handle it. It wasn't... hard, at first. But each day, I just feel worse, and now this.
no subject
he wouldn't have it any other way. his lips kiss the top of her head, as a soothing attempt.)
How... How... Is the sentencing going? I think it'll keep getting worse until it's done. I think... They know, you know? That you push people away. That you're scared. I just don't know what they are trying to do with this - shouldn't it make it worse?
no subject
Okay, I guess? I'm...trying. [She's been opening up to a few people, but the sentence is so vague, she's not even sure to what extent they mean? Deepening connections could mean anything. But being open and honest seemed to be a good starting point, even if she's already messed up by withholding her ghost problem from him.]
I had... an idea. I'm not sure if it's stupid or not, but I thought maybe having a game night? Invite our friends, STEM club, maybe even TWAT club?
[That's a good bonding thing, right?]
no subject
Yeah, no, I know.
(this was a start - them. knowing how hard it must be, to shelter from pain, and to open herself to this possibility. it makes him wonder what they will do to him, once his time comes. if it comes. when it comes. the fact they know absolutely nothing doesn't soothe.)
Hey, that's super cool! I think that could definitely work, right? Also, look, saying 'friends' already sounds like a huge thing, from where you started, right?
no subject
Right? I don't know what stupid versions of our games they might have here, but who knows. We could probably find something fun. Maybe I can even drag you into Dungeons & Dragons. [He's right, though. Just the fact that she can admit to a good handful of people she considers her friends...it's a big deal, compared with where she came from. She's grateful for all of them, but especially Peter.]
no subject
he too wouldn't want her to worry about him. he can understand that.)
That's, like, the nerdiest thing you have ever said, and I've seen you do chemistry.
(he loves it.)
no subject
She just didn't want him to feel like he was second best. That he was just a rebound. Yes, it was weird and confusing and convoluted by the fact that she knew a Peter Parker in her own dimension, but she didn't have what they had with her Peter, either.]
Oh, shut up. [She nudges him slightly, a small smile appearing on her face again, but she doesn't move from his embrace yet. She needed this, more than she realized.]